


The Email

by qbubbles



Category: Supernatural, destiel - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-29
Updated: 2014-07-29
Packaged: 2018-02-10 20:50:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2039664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/qbubbles/pseuds/qbubbles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part of the Destiel Ficlet Challenge on Tumblr.</p><p>The prompt was “Person A writes an email to Person B that’s never supposed to get sent”.</p><p>Takes place right after 9.06, and flows through the episodes from that point.  Rated mature, like woah.  I don’t think there is anything triggery, but feel free to send me a note if you think this deserves a warning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Email

Sent: November 14th, 2013 11:43am  
Subject: Checking In  
drsexymetallica@mail.com  
to  
clarencenotanangel@mail.com

Cas -  
I’m sorry that things didnt work out with your boss. It was a shitty thing to do, leading you on like that. Dating, chicks in general, you’re going to get yourself hurt. Everyone does. Welcome to humanity. I’m here if you want to talk.  
-D  
\--------------------------------------

Sent: November 15th, 2013 7:29pm  
Subject: RE: Checking In  
clarencenotanangel@mail.com  
to  
drsexymedallica@mail.com

Dean -   
I don’t know what you mean by “talk” since we’re writing to each other and not speaking in person or on the phone. I admit that I don’t understand the point of this form of communication except to examine what we write before expressing it to the other party. However, since this allows me the freedom to “talk” to you without disclosing my location, I will do so.  
Yes. The scenario with Nora was unfortunate. I’m not entirely sure what I feel about it. I guess you could describe it as reticence regarding women and dating. The only exposure I have in this human experience was gained by interacting with Meg and April. I assume that my unique introductions are not the usual course of action.   
I understand that, normally, these kinds of romantic relationships take time to establish. Of course, when things hopefully calm down, I’ll be hunting with you and Sam again. And that kind of relationship would be impractical. 

Castiel   
Angel of the Lord   
\--------------------------------------

Sent: November 16th, 2013 5:17pm  
Subject: RE: Checking In

Cas -   
This life isn’t for everyone. If you want to go live a normal, uncomplicated life when this is all over, I can understand. That’s not in the cards for either me or Sam. We’ve tried. But you don’t have to be like us. Shit, it feels like I’ve had this conversation so many times over the years since Sammy joined up again, but it’s true. This doesn’t have to be your life. It’s obvious you want to fall in love; experience a bond with another person that no one can break. And more power to you. In my experience, with Lisa, I’ve learned that it’s better if I don’t get close to someone.   
Now that I think about it, my entire family has been destroyed by being a hunter and falling in love.   
Fuck...   
Yeah, that’s not for me.   
I’m not gonna get anyone else hurt because of my selfishness. Fuck that.   
But you don’t have the history that my brother and I have. Go live life in some small town, find a nice chick, and have a bunch of babies. I promise we won’t bother you.  
-D  
\--------------------------------------

Sent: November 16th, 2013 8:41pm  
Subject: RE: Checking In

Dean -   
I already have a bond with someone that no one else can break. Does your logic mean that I am in love with you? Or vice versa?   
I saw how hard it was for you to see Lisa and Ben in such a broken state. I’m glad that I was able to bring you some modicum of relief regarding their future lives. I understand your reserve regarding putting other people in harm’s way. I would too. And while you can promise that you or Sam wouldn’t interfere in a future life with a family, you could never promise that we would always be safe.   
Consequently, with our history, I am forever linked to you. 

Castiel   
Angel of the Lord   
\--------------------------------------

Sent: November 17th, 2013 12:03am  
Subject: RE: Checking In

Cas -   
Don’t mean to protest too much or anything, but we are not in love. You are I are friends. It just so happens that you pulled me out of hell and rebelled against Heaven for me and I tried to save you from purgatory and you saved my brother from the cage and almost killed me but didnt and… yeah.   
We’re really complicated friends.   
With issues.  
You’re right otherwise, though. We can’t guarantee the future safety of you or anyone you meet, but that shouldn’t stop you from falling in love.  
Sammy and I are gonna be heading out tomorrow for a job. One of my old friends called about a ghost at a place I used to live. So if you don’t hear from me in a few days, that’s why.  
-D  
\--------------------------------------

Sent: November 18th, 2013 8:32pm  
Subject: Thoughts On Love

Dean -   
I’ve found myself a little preoccupied with the thought of love. What makes this so important in human life? Is it the feeling for someone that shares experiences with and who you learn from and live life with? Or is it just a chemical reaction involving oxytocin and neurotrophins and simply a mathematical calculation? As an angel, love was easy. There was only one thing I could possibly describe as love, and that was toward my Father. But I see you and your brother express the same feelings as both of you did towards Bobby, and he wasn’t your biological father. If I am a part of your family now, shouldn’t it follow that we love each other, as well? And that our love is set apart and separate from that of familial love since we are linked? Note that I am not talking about romanticism. I imagine that even if you did harbor romantic notions toward me, you would be too self conscious to act on them.  
I’m sorry if I’m embarrassing you with this stream of consciousness. I still don’t fully understand the arbitrary boundaries that you set upon yourself. Or really, the arbitrary binary boundaries that human society has drawn as a whole. There are no genders in Heaven. I am only male because that is what my vessel is. Had I chosen a female vessel, I dont think your Hamlet reference would have been necessary.  
Falling in love is something that one can do easily without putting anyone in direct danger, even in our line of work. The potential harm only comes from making those feelings known to the other party, or even worse, outside of their own mind.

Castiel   
Angel of the Lord   
\--------------------------------------

Sent: November 21st, 2013 10:34pm  
Subject: RE: Thoughts On Love

Thanks for making things really awkward. I appreciate that.  
-D  
\--------------------------------------

Sent: November 21st, 2013 10:39pm  
Subject: RE: Thoughts On Love

Dean -   
I don’t know what I’ve done, but I am sorry.

Castiel   
Angel of the Lord   
\--------------------------------------

Sent: November 21st, 2013 11:02pm  
Subject: RE: Thoughts On Love

Cas, look. I don’t know what I’m supposed to say. You’re insinuating that you love me as more than a brother or friend. That you imagine I’m too much of a self conscious dick to make a pass at you if I swung that way. And that if you’d picked a chick as a vessel, we would have already boned. That’s a bit much to take in after the job we just finished. Excuse me if I don’t feel like indulging in your chick flick brand of shit.  
-D  
\--------------------------------------

Sent: November 21st, 2013 11:38pm  
Subject: RE: Thoughts On Love

Dean -   
I apologize that I have caused this rift. I thought we were writing about our experiences in love and commiserating as to our current situations. I never would have intentionally made you this upset. But this goes to what I was talking about regarding arbitrary binary boundaries.   
There is a double standard that I don’t understand. You are perfectly fine sleeping with whatever attractive woman crosses your path. You will give yourself over entirely to that moment and become completely bare as you reach your end, but you cannot carry on a written conversation with a male without getting embarrassed that you’re not acting your societal gender role. I imagine that you would gain much from shedding the weight that humanity has encumbered you with and experienced life as the person you know in your heart that you want to be; not the person that you have to pretend you are.  
Again, I am sorry. These interactions are new to me and I have yet to fully understand them.

Castiel   
Angel of the Lord   
\--------------------------------------

Sent: November 21st, 2013 11:56pm  
Subject: RE: Thoughts On Love

Damnit Cas, why are you making this even worse? I don’t want to think about this. I don’t want to “open up” about anything. Why are you always there when I don’t want you, but not when I need you? Just stop with the love shit. It’s bugging me out and I am too tired to argue for my own heterosexuality. This is what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna search the bunker for a big bottle of whatever amber alcoholic liquid I can find, I’m gonna drink it, and then I’m gonna go to bed. And when I wake up you won’t mention any of this shit again, do you understand?   
-D  
\--------------------------------------

Sent: November 22nd, 2013 2:45am  
Subject: this shit

Lets get somthgin strait. ive alsays riddiculed sam about wanting a normal life. hes always questioined our lives and seen beyond how we were riased. i was given that opportunity once. i was 16 and her name was robin. i could habe stayed there and grwoed up and marrried her and had a normal lief. but i chosde aginst it. i chose to stay with sammy and take care of him. and lisa? all idid was lmost kill her and ben. being gay or bi or to shake off my socitel role or whatever would jusst be the chery on the fucked up sunday that is our lifes. and to do that for you? for an angel! god what hte hell would that even be?   
im sure theres a special kind of kink for human/angel fuckign.   
let me googole it.   
fcking safe search.   
wow.   
theres actually isnt anythign about tha kind of knik. that’s how far from normal i;d be going if i admitted to anyone that i loved you. that i miss you when you’re nto around. that your smiles, emails, ophone calls make the bottom of my spine tingle like a fucking teenager. that i dream about holding you clse to me and breatthing in the smel of your hair. wrapping my arms around your neck and pressing your liops against mine. runnign my fingers over your back and pulling you even harder agsinst my body.   
no. i can’t do it. thats… no. why am i even writing this?   
\--------------------------------------

Sent: November 22nd, 2013 2:47am  
Subject: DO NOT OPEN THE PREVIOUS EMAIL

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK DO NOT READ THE EMAIL I JUST SENT PRIOR TO THIS ONE. GODDAMNIT PLEASE. FUCK FUCK FUCK. CAS LISTEN TO ME DO NOT OPEN IT WHATEVER YOU DO JUST DELETE AND MOVE ON!  
\--------------------------------------

Sent: November 22nd, 2013 10:12am  
Subject: You There Man?

Uh. I haven’t heard anything, and your phone is going straight to voicemail. Is this about that drunk as shit mistake i emailed you last night? Because I was drunk. I had no idea what I was writing. Let’s just not dwell on it and move on.  
-D  
\--------------------------------------

Sent: November 25th, 2013 3:58pm  
Subject: Hey Cas.

Haven’t heard from you in a while. Send me a text or email letting me know you’re ok.  
-D  
\--------------------------------------

Sent: November 28th, 2013 11:19pm  
Subject: Dude. Not cool.

Cas. This is not cool. We just got done helping Sheriff Mills with some shit, and instead of keeping my head in the game, I’m stuck wondering where the hell you went. Look, I drank, I got drunk, and I wrote a stupid fucking email. But that’s no damn reason to completely cut me off. Where the fuck did you go?  
-D  
\--------------------------------------

Sent: November 29th, 2013 1:41am  
Subject: Please, Cas.

Please come back. I don’t know what to say or do to make you realize that I am really worried about you. We’ve got all manner of crap on our tail and I just need to know that you’re ok. If it’s about what I wrote, and you’re pissed or freaked out, we can just ignore it and move on. I’m good at that. Just please do something to let me know that you’re alright.  
-D  
\--------------------------------------

Sent: November 30th, 2013 7:38am  
Subject: RE: Please, Cas.

Dean -   
I’m ok. I lost my access to a computer. I should buy one. But Sam will have to teach me how to use it. I think something’s up. I think a war is brewing. I can’t keep writing.

Castiel   
Angel of the Lord   
\--------------------------------------

Sent: November 30th, 2013 7:51am  
Subject: RE: Please, Cas.

What the hell does that mean, a war is brewing? Angels v. demons? Where? Let us know the second you know anything.  
Thank you for writing back.   
-D  
\--------------------------------------

Sent: December 4th, 2013 9:19pm  
Subject: Kevin is Dead

The angel inside Sam killed him. I need you.   
Come to the bunker, please. Please, Cas. I need you.  
-D  
\--------------------------------------

Castiel found Dean sitting in the bunker library, drinking a beer amongst a scattering of bottles and empty glasses. He still had his laptop open to the email client he used when he heard Cas arrive.   
“Gotcher mojo back, I see. Long time nosee.”   
“Yes. It’s only been two days. Where is Kevin?”   
“I put him in his room. I’ll figure out whadda do later.”   
Dean slurred his words and attempted the particularly tricky move of standing up while closing a laptop lid after having ingested 9 beers and, it appeared, the entire contents bar that was in the bunker. Cas held out his hand to catch Dean as he stumbled backwards and smacked his ass against the corner of another table.   
“Don’t. I’m fine.”  
“Your email stated otherwise.”  
“Pff. When doyou care what I write?”  
Castiel tilted his head slightly and appeared confused. Before he could ask if Dean was referring to the email that Cas was told, in extremely large font, not to read, Dean pushed past his friend and shambled down the stairs that led to the living quarters.  
“What is it that you need me to do, Dean? You asked me to come.”  
“I don’t know. I just…” It took Dean three tries to open his door. When he was finally able to grasp the door knob sufficiently hard enough he fell through the entrance. If Cas hadn’t been quick enough to appear in front of Dean and hold him up he would have landed on his face. His brain hadn’t even registered the looming threat of concrete flooring quick enough to rise his arms up. Dean’s room was pristine, and he certainly hadn’t slept in his bed last night.  
“How long has Kevin been dead, Dean?” Cas asked accusingly.  
“What day is it?” was the only answer Dean could give before his eyes widened and a sickening gurgle sounded from his stomach. Cas was quick. Before Dean knew it, he was in his bathroom, in front of his toilet bowl, and about to pay for the hours of drinking that he knew were coming to collect. Nothing mattered after that moment. He was gone from the world of the healthy and sober, and lost to the realm of the porcelain god.

Dean woke up in his bed, clean and rested. And in his boxers. To his left sat Castiel calmly sitting on the lonely chair that was in his room as Dean slowly sat up and blinked a few times. He remembered sending an email asking Cas to come. He remembered telling him about Kevin. He even remembered almost fucking the floor with his skull. How could he remember everything? He had tried to make sure that he would get drunker than he had in a long time. So drunk he would go to bed, and wake up, and still be drunk. But he distinctly remembered falling asleep with his cheek on the toilet seat… and is also, unfortunately, sober.  
“Yes. I cleaned you up and moved you from the bathroom to your bed. You’d passed out by that point, so I healed your sickness and ensured you’d sleep.” Cas answered the unspoken question. Fucking angels.  
“If you were so generous with the mojo, why didn’t you fix me before I started yacking my guts out?”  
“I don’t know.”   
The room settled into an awkward silence at that point. Dean was the first to speak again. “You changed my clothes? I’m sure you got a kick out of that.”   
“I don’t understand. Why would I have?”  
“Don’t play dumb, Cas. Especially not for my sake.”  
“I really don’t understand, Dean. Are you referring to the email that you expressly requested that I not read? Because I honored your wishes.”  
Dean blinked a few times at that. His jaw dropped open and his eyes narrowed as though he were trying to sus out a speck of a lie.  
“No one can resist doing something what someone told them not to do…”  
“I did. I’m an angel of the Lord. My problem is knowing when to stop following orders and make my own.” At this, Castiel seemed to realize that he’d moved from the chair a chaste distance away to sitting at the foot of Dean’s bed. Dean suddenly noticed that Cas was closer, too. The proximity made him swallow back his quickening heartbeat and tell tale tingle at the base of his spine.   
“So, you really didn’t read it? You have no idea what it said?” was the only thing Dean could think to say.  
“You were very adamant about not reading what it contained. Seeing as how I had upset you earlier that night I didn’t wish to add to it and cause you distress.”  
Somewhere at the back of Dean’s mind, he realized he was a little disappointed. He’d been hoping that with the truth out he could stop pretending everything was platonic and maybe even have his feelings returned. But that was ridiculous. He should be ecstatic that everything was as it always was instead of adding yet another layer of shit to deal with. Besides, it’s not like an angel would share those kind of romantic feelings. They were above that. Things were better this way. He’d lived his entire life with his feelings bottled up inside, why the hell should he stop now?   
“What did it say?” Castiel broke through Dean’s internal narrative and tripped him up.  
“Uh. Stuff… that, uh, really doesn’t need to be said because it doesn’t help anyone. Look, I’m not one for sharing my feelings and shit. Let’s just move on, alright?”  
“Right.” Castiel stood up from the bed quickly and moved over to allow Dean to slide off. The shared quiet moment had passed. Before standing up himself, Dean looked up at Cas and thought he saw his same disappointment reflected back in those brilliant blue eyes.  
Fuck convention. Fuck normatives and societal roles. Fuck chemicals and angels, and google.   
Dean reached up, hooked his arm around Cas’ neck, and pulled him down. The momentum caused Dean to fall backwards onto the bed, and their lips met in a hard crush. He could feel Castiel’s heart hammering through his chest as he closed his eyes and slowly parted Cas’ lips with his tongue. Dean had no idea what he was doing, but he was past the point of making lame excuses and feeling anything other than lust. Cas’ lips opened hesitantly, with his own tongue quickly building up to an assault on Dean’s with the ferocity of a starved animal. Just as Dean’s email said, he pulled the angel closer to his own body, hands splayed across Cas’ back, hugging him so tight that he was afraid he’d hurt the angel. Cas responded by cradling Dean’s face in his palms, caressing his cheek and neck with his fingers.  
This was really happening. This scenario that he’d honestly given a fair amount of thought to. In between ganking this and exorcising that, when Dean would have a few minutes in his brain while driving or right before falling asleep, or even in the shower with the water temperature reducing the bathroom to a steamy mess, he imagined what it would be like to finally give their underplayed tension release.   
Wordlessly, and without breaking their kiss, Castiel slid out of his coat and kicked off his shoes. Dean was only wearing boxers and his usual morning wood was now transformed, very obviously poking Cas in his abdomen, making itself known. If Dean had given himself a second to think, he would have acknowledged the voice at the back of his mind saying that if anything was going to cause him to go back to hell, fucking an angel was definitely on the short list. But there was nothing processing in his brain except the want and need that bubbled up and caused his hands to fumble over Cas’ as they both tried to get the angel’s clothes off as quickly as possible. Dean had never been happier that Cas no longer wore his blue tie and once his shirt was unbuttoned both men broke contact, sat up, and peeled it off of Cas’ skin. The unbuttoned pants were hurriedly relegated to the floor along with the shirt.  
The resulting few seconds of shyness from both parties were erased as Castiel pulled Dean’s face to his and kissed his neck. “I have a confession to make,” Cas breathed into Dean’s ear. “In case you were still wondering, this is called hagiophilia.” Dean’s eyes flew wide open and he moved to say something, but his protests were swallowed by Cas’ mouth firm over his.   
Castiel pushed Dean back towards the head of the bed and laid him down with a firm hand on Dean’s chest, which was rising and lowering much faster now with the added adrenaline coursing through his veins and to his lungs. Cas slowly pulled Dean’s boxer’s down over his hips, across his thighs, and off his legs. The ensuing embarrassment that Dean felt in that second was terrifying. He closed his eyes on instinct. He’d never felt this way with women. Really, he’d never felt this way with humans.   
Any thoughts of modesty were instantly dashed as Castiel slowly encased Dean in his mouth with the warmth and gentleness of a velvet cloth. A quiet moan escaped as Cas slowly wrapped his lips over the head and down the shaft. Coming back up, Cas’ tongue flicked at the drop of precome that had made it’s way to the surface. Dean inhaled sharply as Cas began to move back down, dragging his teeth along the way. This was no longer the quiet and awkward Castiel. The angel that didn’t understand movie references or stared quizzically at bad hotel porn. In this small intersection of their lives, away from the constant alertness that always dictated their existence, he was a warrior again. He was going to take control of this situation and the thought gave Dean pause. But he trusted Cas. Entirely.  
The onslaught of sensations alternately pushing and pulling made his core contract and shudder. With his eyes still closed, his hands made their way to Cas’ head and ran his fingers through his hair, gently caressing as his own breathing became ragged and uneven. Castiel decreased his speed, and brought his hand around to trace the inside of Dean’s thighs. With a smack from his lips Cas broke contact and slowly moved his slick hand down Dean’s length. Cas rested his hand below the hunter’s balls, just feeling the warm curve of Dean’s perfect ass. Slowly, and with gentleness that would belie the past few minutes of delicious agony that the angel had inflicted upon Dean, he placed his finger at his friend’s entrance and increased pressure.   
Dean’s eyes flew open as he realized what was about to happen. He told himself he shouldn’t be surprised, that this was the logical progression of things, but at the same time this was territory he’d never really given thought to. In all of his fantasies and dreams he’d been the one on top. He’d been the one penetrating Cas. It was him providing the reassurance that Cas was now giving him. A strong hand on Dean’s upper abdomen pushed him back down onto the mattress with hushed sounds. “It’s ok. I won’t hurt you,” Cas whispered to him. Dean laid back on his elbows, waiting to watch what was going to happen next, breath still coming in ragged and his dick still ramrod straight despite his anxiety. The pressure resumed at Dean’s hole, slowly but thankfully wet enough that there was no pain.  
Once Cas’ finger was in Dean’s ass, Cas tipped his hand palm up, and began a deliberate assault against Dean’s prostate. Every muscle in Dean’s arms failed at once as he fell back down against the mattress and the breath went out of his lungs in an ecstatic huff. All necessary blood was being rerouted to his briefly ignored appendage, begging for release. “Oh, God Cas,” was all that Dean was able to get out before Cas once again wrapped his lips around the quivering cock below his chin. Dean only lasted 3 strokes before coming apart, panting Castiel’s name as the angel swallowed every last drop. 

“So...”  
“Yes?”   
“I don’t remember this scene with the pizza dude.”  
“April taught me some things.”  
“Oh. Good. Nice to know you’re taking sex tips from the reaper who killed you.”  
“Dean..”  
“No no. It’s ok. If I ever see her again, remind me to thank her before I gank her.” Dean rolled his body up, supporting his upper torso with outstretched hands behind him. His face was relaxed, and there was a light smile on his own lips as he looked down at Castiel, resting his cheek on Dean’s thigh.   
Cas turned his face up to Dean and smiled back. “Is it safe to presume that you aren’t upset about my disobeying your request to delete your email?”  
“Yeah, that’s fine. I just wish that I had gone about things in a different way. I don’t know what this means or doesn’t mean, And I don’t want to get into it, either. I just want to enjoy whatever this is right now.” Dean leaned down and met Cas half way with a kiss. The hunter motioned for the angel to follow him back to the head of the bed, where they angled themselves so that they were facing eachother.  
“What happens now?”  
“I said don’t want to talk about it.”  
“I mean, right now. In this bed. In this room. In this minute. Or are you going to tell me to just shut up and go with it?”   
“Shut up and just go with it,” Dean breathed out before leaning forward to kiss the angel. He was starting to feel anxious about the implications, again, and sought the power to fight against the rising panic within Castiel’s embrace. The kiss was anything but soft or loving. The two seemed to fight for dominance in the heated, heavily charged atmosphere. Dean eventually won the upper hand and took control of their tangle of limbs, ending up hovering over Cas with his arms supporting his weight on either side of their heads. He pulled out of the kiss and looked down at the man underneath him.   
Cas’s lips were bruised red, his cheeks flushed behind the stubble. His intense blue eyes were full of sex and lust as Dean looked him over contemplatively. The angel’s legs were between Dean’s naked thighs and Cas’ boxers were rapidly growing. While Dean had never worshipped a man’s body in practice, he had thought about it enough times to know exactly what he wanted to do to Cas. Without breaking eye contact Dean moved his left hand down from next to Cas’ ear to the side of his neck, caressing his body and abdomen with gentleness and care. As the hunter’s hand reached Cas’ hip bone, he dipped his face down to taste the salty skin below him, running his tongue over the nipple that was standing straight on end. Castiel took a sharp breath in and thrust his hips up meet Dean’s as Dean pressed back down with his naked body. The quickly hardening lengths between them were only separated by the thinnest of materials. The man beneath him was breathing heavier now, blown pupils staring straight through him.  
Dean sat back on his heels, bringing his right hand down to trace Cas’ body, parelleling the path the left hand had taken and once again coming to rest on the angel’s opposite hip bone. Both hands now took a hold of the waistband of the boxers and tugged them down to just barely free Castiel’s cock, which Dean could see was starting to leak and drip down the side of the head. Unconsciously Dean licked at his lips, imagining the bittersweet taste that he’d soon get to know firsthand. In all his fantasies and dreams he’d envisioned Cas writhing beneath him, begging for release. Calling Dean’s name out between gasps and being teased by a unforgiving tongue that licked from balls to crown. Holding back swallowing Cas’ full length until the angel was muttering nonsense into pillows and clawing at the sheets.   
Dean leaned down and breathed hot air into the mass of dark curls beneath the straight rod that demanded attention. His wet tongue left a trail of slick warmth from Cas’ balls to the tip, where an involuntary shiver threatened to rip them both apart. A throaty growl escaped Cas’ lips as Dean took all of him in his mouth, sliding his tongue down the hard shaft and coming back up. Dean was in no hurry. This would last as long as Dean would allow it to last. He would drink every drop that escaped Cas’ lips a million times over so long as this experience never ended. There was no world outside of this room. He would spend eternity exploring every inch of his angel, learning what made Cas gasp and cry out. Listening to his heart speed up and breathing hitch. Exploring his body so that every freckle and scar were as familiar as his own. There was no need to label whatever this was, but he was sure that it was every bit as intense as love.   
Dean was getting harder listening to Cas’ obscene moans and cries in languages he didn’t even recognize. He took one hand away from the other body and placed it on his own lazily growing center of warmth, causing himself to moan around the perfect dick in his mouth. He knew Cas had to be close, and that only made him pick up speed as he stripped himself against Cas’ legs.  
One second he was deep throating the celestial being underneath him, bringing himself to his own messy end in one hand and holding onto Cas’ length in his other. The next second he was flung forward into the bed, his mouth inhaling a pillow that was drenched in Castiel’s sweat. It took a few more seconds for his mind to catch up to his surroundings, realizing that Cas was now behind him, gently caressing Dean’s ass in his hands. He reared up onto his knees and turned to make a frantic assessment of the situation when Cas’ finger sunk knuckle deep into his tightly clenched ass. The wave of pleasure that took over his body made him fall forward again and take up the assault on his own still hard cock. The single wet finger at his entrance was removed, and two replaced. Then three. Cas was thoroughly finger fucking his ass, and this realization left Dean dizzy with lust, barely processing anything beyond waves of pleasure.   
Castiel had started with one hand on Dean’s back, pulling him backwards onto his fingers with gentle yet increasing speed. That hand had disappeared somewhere between the second and third fingers, and Dean imagined that it was now pulling toward Cas’ own climax. Biting back his own thick anxiety and fear, Dean croaked, “Cas. Cas I want you inside me. Please. I trust you.”  
That was all Cas needed, apparently. Before Dean could even fully appreciate the love in his own words the fingers were gone and being replaced with a thick, slippery warmth. His breathing hitched, his head swam, and he cried out in pain.   
“Dean!”   
“No. It’s ok. I’ll be ok.” Dean said between deep breaths. He’d spent his whole life being broken and bruised, but he’d underestimated just what he was getting into. It was a quick pain, ended and smoothed over with Cas’ gentleness. Once Dean was full, Cas bent at the waist and wrapped his body around Dean’s. He kissed his back, and wrapped his arms around Dean’s chest, breathing in and allowing Dean time to get acclimated to the feeling. Once their breathing was even, Cas pulled back. Dean was surprised to find himself pushing behind, against the retreating angel, hoping to chase the unspoken connection. Cas slowly returned, closing the gap between them with the same steady determination as his first trust. And his second. And his third. And soon after that Dean stopped counting and lost himself to the sensations all around him.   
He eventually found himself sitting up on Cas’ lap, his knees on either side of another pair of legs, hot breathing against his right ear and Cas’ chest crushing against Dean’s spine. Like this the thrusts could only be shallow, quick ruts against his ass that made his body contract and try to fold in on itself as his vision went spotty, the hand that was pleasuring himself going wet and sticky before he knew what was happening. Behind him he heard a low moan that traveled from the base of his spine up through his back into his shoulder, where Castiel was biting against his own release. Deep inside his belly he could feel Cas losing control, culminating with a shout in Enochian. When the last of of the shudders ripped through his angel’s body they fell sideways onto the bed, sweat and stickiness covering their legs.  
Before Dean gave in to the exhaustion that he knew would only plague a lesser being such as himself, he pressed a kiss into Cas’ hands that were still wrapped around him and muttered an I Love You that he knew he would deny later. Cas managed to bring the soft overwashed blanket that had been relegated to a knot at the foot of the bed up around their bodies and over Dean’s shoulders.   
He’d had assumed the role of protector his whole life, so that in that second between consciousness and the blissful rest that was quickly coming for him, he let the constant weight of everyone else’s well being fall by the wayside. And it felt intoxicating. He knew that if anything were to happen in those few weightless minutes of letting himself indulge in love, that Cas would be able to protect them. And would do so gladly.  
Whatever this was, wherever it went after this moment, it wasn’t going to be the Happily Ever After that other fictional characters always got. When he woke up, he was going to have to deal with Kevin, Sammy, The Thing Inside of Sammy, Abbadon, and whatever else was hell bent on fucking everything up. He loved Cas. He’d known it for a while now, but just as Cas himself had said, “Falling in love is something that one can do easily without putting anyone in direct danger, even in our line of work. The potential harm only comes from making those feelings known to the other party, or even worse, outside of their own mind.”


End file.
